Canthook

Scott Gallaway produced a 2005 documentary about self-taught topiary artist Pearl Fryar. The IMDB page on the movie says it is inspirational for people who hate inspirational.

A 2004 TV series was called "Viewtiful Joe"; the first episode was called "The man named Joe". I've never heard of it, either, and neither has anyone else: IMDB refuses to reveal ratings if there are less then five votes. The actors all seem to have Japanese names, and it is categorized as science fiction.

How would you like Aladdin's Lamp to call your own?
The wells that once was Singapore, fast Italian cars,
Diamonds big as stars, just name it and it's yours.

How would you like the finest laces from Cologne,
And pearls that come from coral shores,
And to match your eyes, blue Venetian skies,
Just name it and it's yours.

I know all this may sound extreme, and quite impossible to do.
But when we kiss, the wildest dreams could very possibly come true.
Until you have Aladdin's Lamp to call your own,

Let's window shop the local stores,
And for just a start, if you want a heart,
I have one that worships and adores,
Just name it, and it's yours.

Until we have a dozen oil wells in the yard,
Let's window shop the local stores,
And for just a start, if you want a heart,
I have one that worships and adores,
Just name it, and it's yours.
- Frank Sinatra

There was an episode of Ironside, back in 1972, entitled "A man named Arno", and a 2005 episode of Edgemont bears the title "Never play Poker with a man named Doc." Hmmm. I'd been warned never to play poker with a guy named after a city, but "Doc"?

Actually, I was looking for "A Man Called Horse", and got the verb wrong. According to the synopsis, Richard Harris played the part of an Englishman, John Morgan, who lived 30 years as a Sioux; his Souix name was not "Horse", as I had surmised, but "Man Called Horse".

It was a 1982 movie. I've never seen it, and I'm not sure Em did, but she teased me about being infatuated with Richard Harris. He didn't get that name from nowhere, she said; it must have been a girlfriend who started calling him that. I don't think she ever saw "Sex And The City", and certainly not the later episodes where Chris Noth appeared as "Mr. Big". He wasn't called that because he was a rich and powerful businessman.

What inspired this post, however, is Blondie's conjecture that there are probably going to be a lot of babies born this year who will be named "Barack" or "Hussein". I imagine she's right. In "Citizen Kane", Charles Foster Kane said, "You can't buy a bag of peanuts in this town without someone writing a song about you."

And Barack Hussein Obama is the most inspiring politician we've seen since Bobby Kennedy lay on the floor of the Ambassador Hotel pantry, there's no arguing that. I'm not sure he'd approve of mothers burdening their children with that middle name. Hussein means "good" or "handsome", but as he told folks at the Al Smith dinner, "I got my middle name from somebody who obviously didn't think I'd ever run for president."

We'll get used to it as we got used to General Omar Bradley, Lyndon Baines Johnson, and Dwight Eisenhower, but it's likely to be made fun of, just as Richard Milhaus Nixon. Come to think of it, though, people made fun of Nixon's first name. I remember seeing bumper stickers saying "Dick Nixon - before he dicks you."

And who could have predicted that before James Earl Carter would run for the presidency, there would be a notorious and unsavory criminal come to the public attention named James Earl Ray? After that, Jimmy Carter didn't want to be known as James Earl Carter.

Women change their names, usually, when they wed. That em-arr-ess abbreviation that we pronounce "missus" is short for mistress and if John Doe is married, then Mrs. John Doe is mistress of his estate, even if it's a single-wide mobile home that's rented month to month.

In Citizen Kane once again, Susan cries out, "Whatever you want - just name it and it's yours!" In the movie, she's pointing out that Kane can buy anything that's for sale, and even some things that normally would not be. We've learned in recent years, though, that there's an importance to naming that wasn't previously recognized.

When it was called an inheritance tax, or an estate tax, most Americans supported it. Inherited wealth, after all, is in many ways an impediment to the next generation. Pearl Buck's "The Good Earth" told the story of dirt poor to magnificent riches to dirt poor again, all in three generations, and those of us old enough to remember that story are also old enough to have seen many instances of the same thing happening to friends, neighbors, and relatives. Not that I mean to be critical of Paris Hilton, but do you think she has the same attitude towards money that Baron Hilton and Conrad Hilton had?

If your wealth is a family farm, or another family business, though, paying a big chunk of money can mean losing something that holds your family together and defines it. It's not just a chunk of change, it's your heritage. Selling that side of the estate tax became a lot easier when the GOP renamed it the "death tax". It's a lot easier to tax someone who's receiving a big landfall than someone who's just had a big loss.

Similarly, they tend to name legislation in a way intended to garner support. Instead of the "deny gays the right to marriage act", they proposed the "defense of marriage act", as if gay marriage was really any threat to the heterosexual marriage, which was doing a pretty good job of committing suicide, anyway.

American Indians were a pretty diverse group, and it's hard to make blanket statements, but here's one anyway: they didn't keep the same name all their lives, but were given new names as significant events occurred. In many ways, it makes sense. I'm certainly not the same person today that I was in the 1950s. I'm not even the same person I was twenty years ago, or ten years ago. It makes sense that I should bear a different name.

And you'd be surprised how many of our presidents have changed names. Barack Obama was named Barry Soetoro for a while. Bill Clinton used to be William Jefferson Blythe. Gerald Ford was Leslie King. And those were legal names. Ronald Reagan was "Dutch Reagan" at one point, "Elvis Reagan" at another, plus all the dozens of names of characters he played in movies and television.

A quick survey of neighbors reveals that more than half of them dislike their middle name. Two of them admitted that they use their middle name as if it were their first name, because they hate their real first name. Only one person in the neighborhood liked his name, and I suppose that's because it was my grandfather's before me, and his grandfather's before him. And after all, it's not like "Harl Delos" is an unusual name, not like Joe Jackson or Jim Wilson or John Thomas. It's all-american.

Other Bloggers On Related Topics:
Barack Obama - Bill Clinton - Bobby Kennedy - Citizen Kane - Dwight David Eisenhower - Frank Sinatra - Gerald Ford - Lyndon Baines Johnson - Omar Bradley - Pearl Fryar - Raymond Burr - Ronald Reagan - Viewtiful Joe