Charlie Brown had that cute little redhead with the curly hair, that he never had the courage to say anything to. I had Dolly.

You know, of course, that I rarely use peoples' real names here. It's not usually that I don't remember them, although I have trouble remembering my own name at times. It's that I figure they deserve some privacy. I rarely write about someone I don't care for and respect, but their lives may have gone in a direction where they want to forget the past.

And my version of what happened may not match their memories. Heck, between senility and mad cow's disease, my wife says I write nothing but fiction, and of course, her mind is almost as old as mine is, as are many of those I write about.

I mention this primarily because Dolly's actual name suited her to a tee, and I'm sorely displeased that I oughtn't reveal it here.

Still Perfect

I may be still crazy after all these years, but Dolly had the face of an angel, the eyes of a Guernsey, and hair that, years later, Farrah Fawcett would have envied. It was long and more wavey than curly, lush and rich.

I don't know why women get called "cow" as an insult, for cows have warm and friendly faces, and beautiful huge eyes that you can drown in, with generous eyelashes. When you wash down a cow before milking her, gently applying the warm soapy water so that she's not only clean, but she relaxes and lets down her milk, she lets you know how she feels about the whole affair. Some cows will kick you, or at least try to, and they'll swat you with their tail, viciously. Others will turn their heads, bat their eyes at you, and tell you they love you.

And eyes, no question about it, are a key element to a woman's beauty. But her hair is make-or-break.

8 For the man is not of the woman: but the woman of the man.
9 Neither was the man created for the woman; but the woman for the man.
10 For this cause ought the woman to have power on her head because of the angels.
-- 1 Corinthians 11

I feel a little guilty, quoting Paul's letter to the Corinthians. Corinth was a major seaport, and their local economy was built on caring for the needs of the sailor. There were nice restaurants, and bars, and places to gamble, and there were many, er, uh, "professional" women, for life at sea can be lonely. I've never been to sea, but I know it surely must be lonely at sea, because life on land can be painfully lonely at times.

And perhaps Paul was suggesting this in a letter to Corinth, because he knew how important it was that those working in restaurants, and bars, and gambling houses made sailors feel comforted, not just those who walked the streets.

Finally

When the cute little girl says something to Charlie Brown, he stutters, and stammers, and makes a fool of himself. Pretty much the same thing happened to me, when Dolly first noticed I exist, but I suspect the cute little girl understood why Charlie Brown was all kerfuffled, and was honored and gratified. I know that Dolly was similarly kind, and she continued to talk to me.

She sat two rows over and three seats back, and I imagine the teacher saw more of the back of my head than the front that day. I had this habit of asking questions when I got bored, questions that were impossible to answer, so teachers were always thrilled to have me ignoring class and reading a book instead. The teacher on that day was smart enough not to ask me to turn around and pay attention to the class, because I'd have been annoyed at that, and I'd have asked really difficult questions in retaliation.

But, darn it, Dolly was a good student, and she spent most of her time paying attention to the teacher or looking at her study materials.

The Denouement

"You seem awfully happy," Mama commented, when I got home. Normally, she'd already be teaching piano lessons by then, and I wouldn't see Mama until 9 PM, but I guess a student didn't show up.

It being a rare thing that anyone asked about my life, I bubbled forth. What's her name, Mama asked, and I told her. Don't get too smitten, she said. That's your cousin. No, no, it couldn't be. Her dad runs the movie house over in the next county. And then she told me how Dolly and I were related. We weren't first cousins, it was more like third cousin, twice removed or something like that.

And that's when I learned that your family didn't just consist of older siblings who would beat you up all the time, and distant relatives who would show up at Thanksgiving and Easter to make your life miserable, and who would die, meaning that I would have to put on those uncomfortable Sunday clothes, the ones with the shirt that wouldn't button around my neck, and the tie that strangled me, and the suit coat that was two sizes two small and kept my shoulders bent backwards in a painful arch. Relatives also existed so that the first damned time a girl gave me the time of day, she'd be off-limits. Fardles, there just ain't no justice in this world.

More Family

Years later, almost decades later, I was living near a big city close enough to my home grounds that the obituaries would sometimes appear in the city newspaper. And I saw a name I recognized. It was Mama's cousin.

Mama played organ at the church not just on Sunday, but for most of the weddings and funerals as well. When I was little, I had to go along because if I were left at home with older siblings, they might kill me, and that would be uncomfortable to deal with. And when I was older, I was often ordered to go because I supposedly knew the person who was being buried. A lot of those I only recognized as old women who reeked of lilac, or older men who, well, I'm not sure what they smelled of. Maybe mothballs?

And once in a while, there was someone I actually felt like I knew, and I'd say to someone in the family that I was sorry for their sadness, and that I'd miss whoever had passed. And since they hadn't beaten up on me like my older siblings, it was usually true.

My Goodness, He's Changed!

So I went to the funeral home for visitation. He did not look at all like I expected. And sometimes, people lose a lot of weight in their last year or two, but in this case, the departed was taller and heavier-set than I remembered. I asked if he had been sick long, and was told that it had been six months or so. A couple of people asked me how I knew the deceased, and I explained that we were distantly related on Mama's side.

I excused myself, and went out to the house about 9, and Mama had just finished up her last piano lesson. I told her I'd been at the funeral home, and thought I'd say "hi" before I headed back to my family. She wondered why I'd bothered to go, and I said, well, I saw the obit, and I knew we were related, and I was suffering from cabin fever and needed to get out of the house anyway.... And I mentioned that he looked a lot different than I remembered.

She didn't know that I knew he was a relative, or that I had ever met him. Sure, I said, when he worked at so-and-so's. Suddenly, a light came on in her eyes. She had never thought about it before, she said, but she had two relatives by that name, who were not related to each other otherwise, and the one I knew had died five years earlier.

Which cleared up the mystery, but it sure seemed like a waste of mourning.

Other Bloggers On Related Topics:
Charlie Brown - Corinthians - cow - eyes - Farrah Fawcett - funerals - hair - lilac perfume - Paul - piano lessons - shirt-tail relatives